We are taught, or at least advised, not to judge others. So, then, why do we judge ourselves?

This belief stems from the belief that there is something about me that is flawed, deficient. When we are young, if we don’t get the love that we feel we need, either because of our parents’ inabilities or limitations, we come to the conclusion that there is something intrinsically wrong with us; we are not worthy and it is our own fault. Somehow we are defective.

If we feel we are defective, we then try to become who we think we need to be in order to receive love and acceptance. We end up taking score of our appearance, our performance and what is born from that exercise is anxiety, depression, a sense of failure, and a never-ending battle to be a person deemed worthy, lovable, or even just likable. 

We judge ourselves most harshly because it is easier to bear others’ disapproval if we do it stronger, harder, and faster.
We wallow in our own shame, for that is all we have without outside validation.  
In truth, we have absolutely no control over how others see us. If someone doesn’t like me, it isn’t my fault. We create more anxiety in our lives when we live in constant fear of making a mistake; not looking right or acting right.

Expecting others to define your worth isn’t productive. Not everyone will love you, Hell, not everyone will like you. you cannot control the feelings of others and when You try, it only creates anxiety, fear, and disappointment.

I do hope you learn to believe in yourself,

I do hope you learn to dream again 😏 



2 thoughts on “Self-judgement 

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